Searching for what to write on someone’s review?

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1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.
2. His/Her students would follow him/her anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.
3. I would not allow this instructor to breed.
4. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won’t be.
5. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
6. Has a problem with student questions. Consistently answers with “I’m not sure I completely understand the question”, pauses and goes back to the current overhead.
7. He/She would be out of his/her depth in a parking lot puddle.
8. This person has delusions of adequacy.
9. He/She sets low personal standards and the consistently fails to achieve them.
10. This employee should go far — the sooner he/she starts, the better.
11. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
12. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
13. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t looking.
14. A room temperature I.Q.
15. Got a full six-pack, but is missing the plastic thingy that holds it together.
16. A gross ignoramus — 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
17. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
18. A prime candidate for natural deselection.
19. Bright as Alaska in late December.
20. One-celled organisms outscore him in I.Q. tests.
21. Donated his/her brain to science prematurely.
22. Fell out of his/her family tree.
23. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the trains isn’t coming.
24. This man/woman has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
25. He/She is so dense, light bends around him/her.
26. If brains were taxed, he/she would get a rebate.
27. Any dumber and he/she would have to be watered twice a week.
28. If you gave him/her a penny for his/her thoughts, you would get change back.
29. If you stand close enough to him/her, you can hear the ocean.
30. It’s hard to believe that he/she beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
31. One neuron short of a synapse.
32. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he/she gargled.
33. Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
34. Not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.
35. Claims to have seconded Al Gore’s motion to build a ubiquitous global multimedia network based upon IP technology during the early 60s.
36. Thinks SS7 is a new type of supersonic aircraft.
37. Thinks IP is actually a complete sentence and that IP on Fiber is a real technical version of it.
38. Tried to get cash from an ATM Switch.
39. Recited a Shakespearean Sonet to a group from AT&T Science and Technology, and wasn’t joking. Needs remedial training.

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